in the ending, is a new beginning..

My last few days in Budapest were sweet. I had Eva’s home to myself. I appreciated her willingness to provide me that time alone, as I attempted to bring some closure to my time there.


Briefly, I visited Tibor and expressed my deep appreciation for my connection with both him and Marika. They were an anchor point for me, in their very creative and inspired life.


And then I spent a good bit of time with Andrew. On Sunday, Benjamin was was with him. We had all previously planned to visit the Labyrinth on Castle hill. We met at 11:00 for lunch, and then headed off to explore quite an elaborate underground maze. Many of my questions went unanswered as to its historic use, as most of the signage was either of a humorous nature, including the planting of a giant Pepsi bottle, an imprint of the sole of a Nike shoe, and the mother board of a computer, along with images of petroglyphs sited in other caves throughout Europe. As one, who is always on the look out for meaning, for the sacred, I was a little chagrined, meanwhile Andrew and Benjamin had great fun with it, as did most of the other visitors. With my respect for dark places, I secretly would have welcomed more quiet time in its midst. At one point I was able to venture off alone, paying tribute for the gifts that it has to offer. While also vey much enjoying traveling thru this ongoing underground space with my new buddies.


Andrew and I shared a number of meals together over the course of my last two days in Budapest, along with multiple stops for a cup of cappuccino, all very European and delightful. I will miss that. And of course lots of conversation. The kind of conversation you have, knowing that the time for departure is drawing near. Conversation which includes those topics shared when there is little to loose and even deeper connection to be made. Not really knowing whether the connection will be maintained thru time, or whether it is one in which two souls have briefly crossed paths for the purpose of mirroring for one another the vast range of life experiences, not commonly shared, but a significant part of ones life needing to be more fully integrated in process of making room for the new. I believe we offered that to one another. As our relationship was slow in developing, thru a mutual appreciation and respect for one another, with an ever increasing tolerance for the awkwardness of coming together, parting, connecting, missing connection, deep sharing to bantering we explored our life’s with one another. Bringing into focus the finer aspects of self. Yes, it was a connection of honoring who we are, where we have been and even more precious where we aspire to be, as two individuals deeply passionate about living a True life.
I will hold this connection dear, regardless of time and place. I will keep it tucked away in my heart as a reminder of the real purpose in coming together, with other.

Fearing I would forget, who I had come to experience myself to be, I requested that he share with me, his experience of our connection.Upon arriving home, I received an email from him. I was pleased to read that that which I hold dear about this life of mine, he did indeed recognize. And should I forget, I know where I can go, to be reminded.
In honor of that which I hold most dear, I share it with you.


"On the penultimate day of Abbey’s recent Hungarian visit we again found ourselves travelling down from the Castle district by squat, cube-like bus, down a short hill to Budapest’s (uncharacteristically nostalgically) still-named Moscow Square. Braced standing on the bus at a sudden stop Abbey turned to me and said, “There’s a real art to standing near the door.”
This is how I remember Abbey. Over the course of wonderful weeks stretching into months we met and talked as we toured Budapest about a range of topics from the deeply personal to the profoundly global – and always in the context of the rapid transformation we are all experiencing in this age. Over the course of these weeks I found Abbey a consistently articulate and likeable conversation partner and as we opened up I really learned a lot about her, myself and our respective processes from these talks.
Her ability to stand in simple witness– to ask and to acknowledge and honor others’ narratives compassionately without easy judgment or advice – allows her to penetrate far into the walls of a situation towards the twin aims of understanding and healing. In doing so she stands her ground in terms of her own beliefs, yet is refreshingly open to updating her views in light of what she is encountering.
This European jaunt was a journey for her rich with encountering. I see her in this time coming shuddering back into a present life rich with possibility – rejoining the narrative of her own process of enlightenment to realize gratefully not only that nothing has been lost but that we are all correspondingly enriched by her experience and perspective. At least I am.
Thank you Abbey!

With love,Andrew "

Thank you Andrew for the Many gifts you have offered me, during my visit to Budapest.

Now it is time to leave this lovely City of Budapst. It has served me extremely well, as the base from which to explore new territory. Its richness runs deep and wide, from its history to its culture, politics, people and landscape. Over the past three months, as I wove my own very personal experiences of connection with self, others and Self, into the fullness of this “magical, mystery tour” an incredible tapestry of meaning emerged. One which carried me throughout, gifting me with a wide range of experiences. Experiences that I trust will help to inform me, as I carry on. I do not know where that is, however I trust that it will be into places of ever expanding service.

Many of you have traveled with me during this time. I have enjoyed your company. I have appreciated hearing how you have connected to your own journey, vicariously thru mine. That has been part of the magic, leaving little question that in the mystery of our interconnected nature, my journey is yours as is yours mine. Thru the blog, I have had the great pleasure of being the storyteller. I wish that experience for everyone, for in the gift of telling my story, I have been able to truly honor and celebrate many blessings, as they have come to pass. Thank you dear friends, for bearing witness. I have felt richly rewarded in being seen, heard and received. All gifts beyond measure.

From my heart to yours, may each of us continue to travel into ever expanding unknown territory, together, consciously weaving greater and greater tapestries of being.

With love,
Abbey

And now, to be with dear Sophie. My heart skips a beat as I look forward to being together.

....sweet, sweet connection.

venturing briefly into Romania

After leaving Eva’s for the week, I spent a couple of days with Magdi. I enjoyed getting to know her even better, as well as exploring her neighborhood in Budapest. She lives in the hills of Buda, in a forest of wonderful wildlife. Just the kind of area prime for getting lost in. And as my journey would have it, thats just what I did. It was at 10:00 one evening, after catching the last bus of the night, and getting off at the last bus stop, that I set out up the hill towards Magid's. Some 100 yards up a steep terain, I reached the end of the road and nothing looked familiar. Long story short, I assumed that bus #128 was close enough to #28, that surely it would work just fine. Wrong! Different bus, different route. Lesson learned. And, sure enough, as these kind of travel experiences go for me, “out here, let loose into the wild, dark of the night”, I was found! This time by a young man who was passing by after dropping his girlfriend off for the night. He was equipped with a car, cell phone and good English. After reaching Magdi on her cell phone, and getting us re-oriented, he assisted me in getting to her place. So, just a short time after my mis-step, I was celebrating the speed in which the travel spirits had come to my rescue. Nice job! Thanks.

Then, back onto the train and into Romania, making for one more wonderful journey in Eastern Europe. I set out for Oradea to visit my friend Kate, who is doing some work there for the Peace Corp. Oradea is on the western border of the country. Up until shortly after WWI, when large portions of Hungary were allocated to neighboring countries, this region was actually part of the Hungarian Empire. Today, many Hungarians continue to feel a real kinship with this part of their lost country, many of them still living there, speaking their native language and eating their native foods.

As I ventured into the community of Ordadea, I also ventured into relationship with an old friend. Both of the experiences taking me back in time. Oradea seems to be a many decades behind Budapest in the development of a new political and social system, with an infrastructure in disrepair. And as for my connection with Kate, we too have our own social system, based in the past somewhat slow to change. But just as in Oradea, there is promise and perhaps even more importantly, a willingness to explore new life. A life, a relationship which I am hopeful will provide even more authentic and life serving connection. I very much appriciated my time with Kate and her generosity of spirit as we navigated our way along, each of us doing our best at staying connected with self, while opening to the other as much as our comfort level would allow. Letting go of outdated systems while embracing new ones, does not seem to be an easy or quick process for any of us, as individuals or as communities of people. I’d say we did well. Thanks Kate.

So, as I lightly touched down in Romania, I was hard pressed to get a real feel for the country. As I searched for a sense of their unique culture, I was struck by their architecture which was refreshingly different than what I have experienced for the past 3 months. Bright colors and cylinder like fronts. Instead of Catholic churches, the City was filled with Orthodox churches, with very tall multiple steeples. Newly built is a very large Baptist church that the town seems to be quite proud of. Reportedly there is a very large castle in the middle of the City, which we never did find, however we did come across a very old fortress, which reportedly houses an Arts Center. From our limited access it was hard to identify. Oradea, has not yet dressed itself up for the travelers who are passing thru, hoping to get a glimpse of their more vibrant past. The community seems to be tending more to the business at hand, living their day to days lives as they make the adjustments that time is asking of them. Romania has recently joined the European Union. For those living on the countryside, this is creating real hardship for the small, local farmers who do not have the means to purchase the necessary equipment in order to bring their dairy products up to the newly established standards as mandated by the EU.

There are many more Roma’s in Oradea than I have crossed paths with in Hungary. They remind of the indigenous people I have met elsewhere, dressed in bright colorful clothing, ready and eager to receive any financial contribution a sympathetic visitor may have to offer.


On one of my days in Romania, I ventured out on a road trip for the smaller village of Bieus. With no direct bus or train ride available, the most efficient way of getting there, involved negotiating a ride with a local, unofficial taxi driver. The routine is to go to the outskirts of town and start exploring the possibilities, which actually are quite plentiful. Speaking no Romania, I was left to sign language. So, as both I and my potential driver wave our currency in the air, indicating what we are willing to give and what we are willing to accept, we come to an agreement and off we go, along with 5 other passengers. Traveling this ways was a great way see the countryside as well as to be present to local conversation, clueless as to what was being said, but enjoying the sounds, as we passed by large sunflower and corn fields, periodically coming upon a horse and buggy with passengers making their way down the road.

Yes, it was a quick trip. Not nearly enough time to really be able to speak of the country and its people with any kind of confidence, but I can say that I am grateful for having been there for the time I was, feeling as though my global boundaries have been stretched just a tiny bit further into the vastness of it all.


So, here I am back at Eva’s. With 2 days left before heading back to the USA. I hope to write one more blog before boarding the plane. For today, I look forward to being fully present to this time, in this place that I have come to experience as home, while gently and hopefully gracefully say my goodbyes. Ah, those bittersweet moments that make up the richness of life.


Love is the nature of all things.....

stepping out ...

Dear friends,

In honoring the fullness of my 'magical mystery tour', I am sharing this particular stage of my journey with you, as surely it is a significant one. I am at the edge. It is that point of transition in which chaos has broken out and a shift is underway. Emotionally, it feels more like the making of the “perfect storm”. That point when there is a coming together of various scary and seemingly life threatening situations. (I did say emotionally, aware that these are feelings, not reality, even as ‘real’ as they seem to be.) That point when it seems as though there is a possibility of “loosing it”, even while on a level closer to the truth, I know there is nothing to loose. There is nothing to be lost, no place to go, other than to be here, now. I find little comfort here and now, not fully comprehending the fullness of this reality. I feel overwhelmed. Too many decisions to be made, too many life situations unfolding and evolving at the same time, too many connections to be present to, all in the midst of too many unknowns.

At this particular time, in this particular place in Budapest, it is time to move into a new life situation. Eva returns tomorrow, a week early, to prepare for an NVC Board meeting which is convening in her home. This meeting came up well after I was here, so that my plans to return on Sept. 2, were based upon her previously scheduled return home of Sept 1. She has asked to have the place to herself as she prepares for the meeting and multiple house guests.
It is time for me to move from this place I have come to know as home, for the past three months, and move out into the realm of the unknown. Unlike the Fool in the Tarot deck, gracefully and joyfully stepping into the glory of it all, I am feeling nudged off the edge, before being quite ready. More accurately, I feel like I am being tossed out of an airplane, not sure that my parachute will open in time and that I will have all I need for a safe landing. I will call upon the Fool for guidance.

Without going into the specifics of some of the other contributing factors to my little storm, I will just say that the underlying theme seems to have to do with finding my footing, finding my groundedness of being. While traveling, stability does not seem to be important. Stability is in the mobility. And yet as I say that, I am aware that as this journey has been particularly meaningful, I am quite sure that it has had something to do with the fact that in the midst of the mobility there has been stability. And while I would love to be able to declare that the stability has been of an internal nature, in truth, it has been closely connected to this home that Eva has created for herself and shared with me. And out of the stability and the mobility, magic has happened for me in the past three months. I have discovered more of myself, in this world I live, than I had been conscious of before. I have always suspected that there was a vastness to me, I have not been aware of. And while this journey has been an exploration into this fuller self that I am, I have just begun the adventure.

So, while my realities of stability and mobility converge, I feel tossed and turned in the ever expanding and contracting experiences of life moving thru me. As I attempt to maintain deep connection in self, with Self, in this world, I am feeling disoriented and confused. As I attempt to remain connected to the vastness of it, I feel as though I am moving into a realm which is beyond my capacity to integrate, make real. This has been the story of my life, however a change is underway, as this soul is ready to become real, made manifest.

So, as I attempt to do my best in navigating thru this "mess" , I will pray for equanimity and will look forward to the time when we meet and embrace and celebrate that not only did I survive this phase of the integration process, but have emerged with an even greater sense of wholeness, for having done so.

Please keep me in your hearts and prayers for the next period of time. I am imagining that being for the next month, from today when I prepare to leave Evas, perhaps travel to other areas of Eastern Europe, including a trip to Romania to be with Kate, return to Budapest to say my good-byes, pack for my trip back to the USA on Spet. 2, reunite with dear Sophie, find a place for us to live, find meaningful work which is open to and receptive to the fullness of expression, while providing financial stability, and reconnecting with you, my community of friends who have joined with me in this incredible journey as well as those who have not, careful to do so in a way that integrates who I have come to know myself to be. I fear that I will not have the courage and stability to make the transition complete, in order to truley start anew. And yet I must, for I can not go back.

Yes, please keep me in your prayers, knowing that all is well and that in reality, new life is unfolding in perfectly divine order. And that indeed, it is very good.

Renewed in love and gratitude, while approaching peace.
Abbey

? Opportunites in the days ahead

On August 1st there was a solar eclipse.
On August 16, yesterday, there was lunar eclipse.
Reportedly an auspicious time.

Here is what one of my favorite fortune tellers has to say:


"Eclipses always come in pairs. Though both have now come and gone, their aftermath has only just begun to reveal itself. Watch this week and you'll see history rewrite itself and the present redefine itself. No matter who you are or what you're going through, you're not in quite the position you thought you were. There's a new possibility now and, if you look, you'll see reason to feel hopeful, where before all you could see was reason to worry. Some situations may get worse before they get better, but all dramas now, must start a fresh, more encouraging chapter."
-Jonathan Crainer


Surely there is no harm done in being open to the possibility of receiving some galactic support from the planetary gods. Just maybe we have plenty of reason to expect some delightfully refreshing experiences in the days to come.

Cheers!


.

into the realm of Galtung

As I took off for Norway, after spending a week with the NVC community in Warsaw exploring connection, I was primed for something intimate and personal, feeling quite open and vulnerable at the same time.

Making the decision to study further with Johan Galtung involved a financial commitment I was not prepared for, creating a real dilemma for me. I waited to the last hour to make my plane reservation, seeking some clarity as to the appropriateness of making such an investment of time, energy and financial resources.

Needless to say, I did purchase a roundtrip ticket to Bergen Norway, and at 4 AM I set out for the Warsaw airport. My first stop was in Oslo Norway, where I had a two hour layover. As I entered the airport, energetically, I felt a familiarity with this place. In addition to the fair skinned, blue eyed Anglo population, more people spoke English than I had experienced in a couple of months, (in public places that is) in the midst of a very open, expansive, light filled public space. There was a sense of having come home. And in a strange way, more so than I imagine feeling in the USA.


Over the past couple of years, I have been able to do a good bit of travel. For the most part it has been to Mexico and Central America. Those regions inhabited with darker skinned indigenous people. I have a great deal of respect for them and their ancestry and for the most part I return home feeling nurtured from having spent time amungst them. Clearly, none of the generations that go before me, are from that part of the world, however on a deeper level, I feel an affinity with these people, in their less complicated, simple, well grounded way of being in the world. I find it easy to connect with them and their sacred land and the deep deep culture that resides there. It is my soul that is nurtured while in their presence.

Interestingly, Norway, as Johan puts it, has “little soul”. Which perhaps explains why I have not felt particularly drawn to this part of the world, being inclined towards the spiritual, as I am. Before Christianity arrived around 1050, Norway was the center of the Viking civilization and with it came the Norse mythology, including the stories of good and bad forces. According to Johan, a big part of the local mythology has to do with the battle between Balder and Loki. Loki, the god of death, was believed to have won out, and the “stones wept”. In 1650 the country converted from Catholicism to Protestantism. Today, there is a rapid decline in Christian practices while Nordic spirituality seems to be focused on the land and the sea. The sea not necessarily experienced as a nurturing, loving presence. In fact there seems to be a certain amount of fear of its powerful force, taking many lives every year. Nevertheless, I feel an affinity here. I suppose it is in my bones that I feel it. My grandparents’ family sailed across the ocean, from this Scandinavian part of the world in the late 1800’s, so that I do indeed have roots here.

In exploring the possibility of making the trip to Norway to study further with Professor Galtung, it was thru the NVC network that I was put in contact with Bjarte Bjorsvik. He has been practicing NVC for a number of years and has been very involved with peace works, thru different NGO’s. He lives in Bergen, the closest city to Jondal, where the training was to take place. He too planned to attend the training. We had had a couple of email exchanges and he was quite helpful. When I arrived in Bergen, I was invited to stay at his home for the night and then together we would travel to Jondal, a three hour bus ride and 15 minute ferry trip away.

After arriving in Bergen and before heading over to Bjarte’s, I had a chance to do a bit of exploring. Bergen is a quaint town settled in amongst a range of 7 mountains, situated on a peninsula. It is on the northwestern coast of Norway and is the 2nd largest city in the country, with a population of approx. 250 thousand. I arrived on Saturday and the plaza was bustling with activity, including open air chess games and martial arts dance and play. It has a booming oil industry along with a very vital sea operations. It is the largest port in Norway and one of the largest in Europe. Norway has a very strong economy with an average annual income of $80,000. For this reason they have yet to join the EU. I am imagining that the financial well being of the community has something to do with the ease with which the people seem to be about their life.


There appears to be a casual, easy going confidence here. The kind that financial security can help to provide. Getting to Bjartes involved a couple of bus rides. I was thrilled with the experience of getting onto a bus that was packed with great big burly Norwegian men who had gathered together to attend a football (soccer) game. As they belted out their traditional team songs, the bus rocked. I have not experienced that much male energy in a very long time. I absolutely loved it. I had the good fortune to hear that quality of male voice again, the night before leaving Bergen. There had been a Festival that day, and the plaza was filled to the brim with musicians. One of the groups was an older generation of sailors, singing out with great gusto, in their rich bass voices, their beloved ballads of the sea. Again, I loved it. (I decided then, that in future travels, I would not only bring a more reliable camera, but also a tape recorder. The sounds of the different regions of the globe can be as endearing and memorable as the sites.)

At first meeting Bjarte, I felt a quick and pleasant connection. I felt welcomed into his community. After catching a quick nap and freshening up, we decided to go into town for a bite to eat, settling on an open air restaurant. Helga, a friend of his, joined us. After a somewhat intense week in Poland, the carefree and casual conversation was most enjoyable. I felt like I was catching up with old friends, sharing a great meal of seafood, salad and wine, while listening to folk singers in the background, singing a combination of local tunes, Bob Dylan and Simon and Garfunkel. As it got late, Bjarte and I started back to his place, making our way to the bus stop, strolling along the harbor, thru the vibrant Saturday night crowd of Bergen. Quite a romantic colonial city it is. During the late night bus ride home we engaged in intimate conversation. The kind you don’t have in broad daylight, meeting needs for a different kind of connection. Feeling quite satisfied on so many levels, I was soon ready to settle in for a good nights sleep. Waking up the next morning well rested, we were able to carry on with our intimate sharing, giving each other our full attention. Oh my, how sweet this is. As we dropped in and out of conversation, while preparing for the week ahead, there is something emerging within me. Privately I am formulating a request. A request that we find the courage to maintain our connection. That we stay current with one another, no matter what arises. That we not flee. And that if we must, we say so, before departing. The request does not get spoken.

Onto Jondal we go, filled with excitement for the week ahead. Not only am I going to be with Johan who I greatly respect but also with this precious new connection with Bjarte. And on top of that, in the midst of the most incredible landscape, filled with mountains and streams, fjords and waterfalls, a glacier and bright blue skies. All of it quite breathtaking.



And then, something happened. He was gone. Almost as quickly as he appeared, he disappeared. Oh, dear Abbey. Surely, with all of our honesty, we can retrieve what seems to be lost. Figure out where we made a wrong turn and retrace our steps. Was it something I said, or did or did not do? Where did he go? After requesting some time, in hopes of meeting needs for clarity and understanding and perhaps connection, we do meet. We talk, we empathize, and I grieve the lose of something dear. Even though in NVC I am trying to stay more connected to the metness of needs, and not get attached to strategies as to how they are met, I am in pain. For a long time now, I have kept my needs for intimacy and companionship neatly tucked away. And now, here they are, just a short time ago in great celebration and now crying out in pain. It seems as though Bjarte’s need for safety and autonomy and self connection are making requests of their own, and his strategy seems to involve disconnecting from other, in order to meet them. So while theoretically I understand, my heart aches. Fortunately, I am still riding on a wave of resourcefulness, along with my great interest in what Johan has to offer. I am able to maintain my balance, but there were times when it is quite a challenge. Slowly I began to cultivate nice connections with others. Also, Helga decided to attend the training. We roomed together and she was great support. I felt like a had a real sister in her, for which I am grateful. I hope we can stay in touch. I also had nice connection with Cesar, a man from the Philippines, Moses from Sudan, Federico from Germany and a number of others, including Randi and Lars, who were both singers. They were as curious and interested in me, as I was in them. Their evening music helped to soothe my tender heart.

So, as I am engaged in my own intrarpersonal conflict, attempting
to make peace with seemingly different bodies of needs appearing
to at odds with one another, Johan begins to speak of the cultivation of peace on a global level between Nations, tribes and political leaders. And my body begins to reverberate. He is telling my story, made global. It is one and the same. As above, so below begins to takes on new meaning. I and the world are One and like never before, it becomes clear to me that the starting point begins with me! Familiar concept, new realization. And for Johan, what message does he have to offer in this creative, dynamic process?

His body of work is named Transcend. The path is one of exploring new understanding, new language, new projects. Transcending beyond where we have been and into new ways of relating to one another. The journey is one of mediation, conciliation, connection with the specific goal being Peace. His focus is clear and his heart is open, as he welcomes others to join him in this important work. Yes, I am ready to join him, doing my best to embrace and integrate the teachings he so graciously shares. I am grateful for his courage in forging the way for the past 50 years.
Yes, Johan Galtung, I love you and I appreciate the fullness of your life as it is made manifest. You are a harbinger of light and an inspiration to many. Namaste

With both the personal and transpersonal connections with Bjarte and Johan this week, my time in Norway was extremely rich and meaningful. I look forward to the fruit that it will bear as the ground of my being has been overturned, with many seeds having been planted. For now, I will do my best to remain fertile, ready and receptive to new life, as it emerges. And as it does, I welcome the opportunity to join with others in co-creating a more loving and peaceful world.





As I flew back to Warsaw to catch my train to Budapest, I am grateful that navigating from the airport to the train station was easy. The trip home was as comfortable going as it was coming. Interestingly enough, there was a four hour delay. While in no hurry to get any where soon, I was fine with the additional travel time. And with the “travel gods” looking over me, it provided time to get acquainted with the two men who stayed in the cabins on either side of mine. They were from China. Interested in engaging in conversation, they invited me into their cabin for some chat. Having traveled through out the world with Johan for the past week, I had some information on the current situation in their country. Curious to hear of their perspective, wasting no time I asked “WHAT about Tibet?” That was enough to open up a conversation that lasted for the next two hours. Basically, they expressed a lot of frustration and disappointment in that they do not feel as their country is understood. For these two men, the situation in Tibet, is about maintaining a united nation, which translates into a strong and well protected country, serving to provide safety for the well being of China and therefore its people. I do not pretend to really understand it all. What I do know is that once again, I had the opportunity to open my mind to different perspectives, different points of view, while recognizing that as misguided as we may sometimes seem to be, we are all seeking a safe and life fulfilling existence.

I pray that we become more skillful in creating this reality in more compasionate and mutually life serving ways.