Wednesday, July 16, 2008

...some catching up...

......while a part of me has been distracted by a blog entry I have been working on for the past two weeks, my journey continues to provide rich and delightful experiences.


Most recently;



I continue to shop at the Great Market Hall, discovering new treasures every time I go. Last week I had lunch there. I have not a clue as to what the name of the dish is, but it was a combination of beef, potatoes, carrots, onions and a good bit of paprika. Very tasty and certainly substantial enough to satisfy my hunger for many hours to come.
Then onto shopping. I discovered one vender who sold cream. What a find that was. They do not sell it in the supermarkets, only artificial coffee creamers. I was thrilled as I am enjoying my daily brew, and now especially so. That’s when I don’t walk down to my favorite coffee shop for a cup of cappuccino and a freshly baked pastry.





Which reminds me, last week on my way there, walking thru the neighborhood , I came upon the entrance to an establishment, with hours posted on the front gate. Reading only the numbers and nothing else, I suspected that it was a restaurant. Drawn with intrigue, I ventured into the courtyard. It was quite lovely, in its very simple, elegant way, with petunias in full bloom hanging from the lampposts amidst tables clothed in white finery, all surrounded by green hedges creating, a ‘secret garden’ like atmosphere. In no hurry to leave this sweet place anytime soon, I hoped to stay awhile, wishing to settle in with a fresh cup of coffee, a pastry and my journal. I asked, to make sure it would be Ok, as this is clearly not a place intended for the casual diner looking for a hide away to do some introspective writing. Being the only one there at the time, they seemed quite eager to welcome me. The waiter was quite attentive to my needs, watching from afar, careful not to interrupt. After about 40 minutes of sipping on my cappuccino, while playing in the realm of words, attempting to adequately capture more of my experience in Austria, my 'fresh out of the oven' blueberry strudel arrived. Ah my, how sweet She is! All is well. ………..

Wanting to capture the moment, I asked the waiter if I could take his picture. He agreed, proudly offering up the plate of goodies, as if that was my (ob)subject of interest.
Little did he know, that what I was really celebrating was his presence and the care I felt as he served me, doing so with such pride. As I prepared to leave, I attempted to express my gratitude, not sure he fully understood my appreciation. I can only hope so. The Vadrozsa Resturant has now been added to my list of hidden treasures, here in Budapest. I look forward to sharing it with someone special, before leaving, as clearly it is one of those kind of places. I wonder who it will be?



Speaking of my list of treasures, I returned to the Ruddas Bath yesterday. Tuesdays are reserved for ‘women only’, which until only recently, were we allowed in, at all ! I went, after shopping, which was later in the afternoon. After a good bit of walking, I felt nice and ready for a soothing soak. Identifyinng the tram or bus that will take me there, is still somewhat of a mystery. That is, one that does not require a lot of walking. Which I don’t mind, but with a grocery bag filled to the brim with fresh fruits, vegetables, cheese, yogurt, chicken, almonds, etc. I had hoped it would be much simpler. Like my initial visit there, I wandered for awhile before arriving. Giggling as I went, remembering that finding my way to the Sufi’s has always seemed to be a bit illusive..
As before, soon after arriving it is clear that any effort made in getting there, was well worth it. I love this place. It was 4:30 and this time filled with many, many woman, unlike the first time when I went earlier in the day, when there were much fewer bathers partaking of the hidden treasures the baths have to offer. As I am thinking about it, the early morning group seemed to be more of the local crowd, while tourists seem to visit in the later paart of the day. And, even with the masses and all of the enthusiastic chatter, there is an inner stillness easily accessible.






It comes quite natural, get really quiet there, as I dip from pool to pool under the domed stained glass ceiling, into the steam room, sauna room and then onto the resting beds, sinking even deeper into the experience. I can not really explain it, but somehow there is a sense of being home………... And, while the vessel was created for this sacred experience, over some 450 years ago and continues to serve so well, another precious aspect of the Ruddas Baths, is the present day shared experience of being with the other women, who appear to come ready to disrobe and walk freely in the presence of other woman shamelessly and free, liberated from the socially constructed garments which we came in with. Leaving them neatly folded in our changing rooms, ready to be reclaimed as we choose. While I am quick to relinquish mine, slowly but all too soon I retrieve mine back again. Surely there will be a number other opportunities to explore the possibility of shedding them for good. (not to worry, should I succeed in doing so, I will continue to dress appropriately!)

Sunday, I took a stroll downtown. I happened upon an outdoor concert in Szent Istvan’ Ver
(St. Stephen’s Square), in front of the Basilica, which is the largest church in Budapest.
(I will write much more of it in another blog as it has quite a history to tell, with many more pictures.) The public event was part of the ‘17th Summer Music Festival. It was an outdoor concert, with a number of chairs set up within a roped off area for assigned seating. These were mainly for the tourists ready and willing to pay to for the comfort of a plastic stacking chair, while the locals gathered all around the parameters, finding multiple means of getting comfortable, as we all settled in for an incredible performance by the Vac’ Symphony Orchestra. They performed multiple pieces by a number of European composers, including Bartok, Beethoven, Vivaldi, and Bach. The crisp evening air lent itself to quite a magical evening of rich entertainment. It was clear that this music, that was created here and has been performed here for hundreds of years, was at home here. This place is created for this music and this music is created for this place. I will bask in the beauty of the experience for some time to come, while seeking out additional opportunities to enjoy the pleasures of live music. Budapest is quite pleased and gracious in showcasing the best it has to offer. And as visitors we are blessed by it. Later this afternoon I plan to attend a concert by a 100 member Chamber Gypsy Orchestra. I am looking forward to that.



On Friday evening, Andrew and I attended a recital performed by a couple of youth choirs, who were in town for a European competition. We had the privilege of hearing the groups from Sweden and Ukraine. They were simply amazing. 20-30 very young voices all singing in perfect harmony, filling the cathedral with the purest of sounds. As my mind surrendered into the foreign languages, my heart continued to open even wider with each song they sang. Following each performance, came a much deserved applause, while I longed to linger in the silence that allows one to fully savor such sweetness. Andrew reminded me, we were at a performance, not a church service. Even though we were in a stunningly beautiful church, a place of worship, surrounded by the sounds of angelic beings, and I was praising God, it was a performance, to be applauded. OK, if you say so.





Yesterday, I went down to the train station to check on getting a ticket to Warsaw. There is an NVC training there that Eva is encouraging me to attend. I am happy to stay here, while also open to the opportunity to see another part of Europe. Plus spending 7 days with other practitioners of NVC in this part of the world is surely to be a meaningful experience.
So off I went, somewhat cautious about the task at hand, given my previous ticket purchasing experience. But, if I am to make the trip, it is better to buy the ticket sooner than later, in order to get best ticket prices. Actually, intending to just gather information, in order to determine the feasibility of such a trip, there I was in line, making my inquiry. When, what time and how much? Before I knew it the clerk returned to the window with printed tickets, informing me that there is no changing the tickets once they are issued, they can not be refunded, and if I don’t take these, surely the price will go up, as this is the last seat available for my specified time, at the discounted rate. I trust him and don’t think it is merely a sales tactic. With a long line behind me, satisfied with the price and open to the journey as it unfolds, I accept ! Leaving somewhat breathless. It all seem to happen so quickly and yet I am imagining that it has been planned all along. It was just that I was not informed of the details until now !

So off to Warszawa on the 26th of July, I go. As Eva continues to
open doors for me, I continue to come along on this magical journey.
Perfectly happy right now, thoroughly enjoying every step along the way, as I look forward to what lies ahead.

Until next time.

Monday, July 14, 2008

..how sweet She is.....

As I awakened this morning, rain came knocking on my window pane,
inviting me to come dance in her midst,
offering to shower me with her soft, soothing, gentle, sensuous self.
As I moved into the dance, unclothed and free,
I welcomed the fullness of "felt sense", of
orgasmic proportions.
How sweet She is!



Tuesday, July 8, 2008

....dipping into the divine.....

So what if

Some days I burn brighter than others,
and some days I just flicker,
and some days I worry that my light will go out…
and that I will no longer be seen,
nor will my absence be felt.

And I wonder, what then…

Surely it is not the worst thing that could happen…
not to be seen, or to be noticed when I am gone...
should my light go out, that is.

Will I cease to exist,
or will I just not be seen, or heard, or smelled or tasted or touched.

So what then ?
How bad could it be?

So what, if
I like dancing passionately in the fire.
So what, if
I like to burn hot in the flame,
So what, if
I like to sway gracefully with the wind, fully and free
and with each inhalation,
I like breathing as deeply and fully into being, as I possibly can.

and with each exhalation,
I like surrendering into what is

So what, if
I desire to transform my life with my presence,
enlightening as I go..

And So what if, my light goes out.

Does that mean, I never was, nor will be again?

So what then...…....... merely ashes to ashes, dust to dust?

Peace, be still and know that I AM.










Yesterday, I visited the Turkish Ruda baths. It was quite wonderful, as I dipped into the
sacred waters that have provided refuge and healing for the past 45o years.































O Beloved, look around.
You are not
some local appearance

You are the bright blue sky,

the wine dark waters, a vast ocean!

The drowning place of a thousand little I's.

-Rumi

Friday, July 4, 2008

....into the lap of luxury..

In my last entry I wrote about my bright idea, to begin an exercise routine, bicycling around Margarit Island. Not a bad idea, it's just that my body cried out, "not so fast - how about tending to a few unmet nurture needs, first!". Ok, OK! So I dutifully searched out a pedicurist, which actually was no small task, thinking that my feet had done the greatest amount of work and most needed some additional care. Pedicures are usually a good place for an old fashion foot rub, So off I went. While the Hungarians don't seem to be as much into the massaging as I like, it did feel pretty good. However, after waking up a couple of mornings later, it became clear to me that there remained a few more physical needs waiting to be tended to. So, I decided this just might be the perfect day to explore one of those spas, that Budapest is so well known for. There are over 123 natural springs in the City, with 2 dozen plus thermal baths. Orginally used for medicinal purposes, they are now quite the gathering place, for both locals and tourists, of all shapes and forms. The temperatures can range anywhere from 86 to 104 F. The Communist's took over the baths when in power, with the City continuing to own them, making them quite affordable for anyone to attend.
So, with so many to choose from, and with my secret little shamefull love of luxury intact, where other to start, than the baths at the Gellert Hotel ?

It was there that into "her lap" I fell, fully embraced by wonderful, luscious, luxurious warm waters, hot waters, very very chilled waters, steamy waters, deep wavy waters, all preparing me for an incredible medical-massage (deep). Oh my goodness gracious. Now, at last my body was happy, getting all of the pampering I have longed and hoped for....and all for less than $30 US dolloars.



So, instead of staying the two hours I had intended, I ended up being there for 6, moving from showering to soaking to plunging to steaming to showering to soaking to sunning to swimming to sunning to plunging to soaking to deep massage to soaking to resting to water massage to soaking to showering to resting.....aaaaaah...where are we Toto?




Surely it is time to move on with the day. But only after making an agreement with self, that a weekly bath visit will indeed become a part of my routine. What routine there is. And with so many others spas to explore, it will be a real adventure.






Next week, I will visit the Turkish bath, just down the way. I am looking forward to that one.
Pictures to follow, I am sure.


On the way home, I came across the incredible Great Market Hall. It was built around the late 1800's. It is massive, with 4 floors of hundreds of venders. Everything from produce stands to butcher stalls, to a vast array of flowers, ice-cream stands, bakeries, snack bars, fish tanks with soon to be eaten creatures and plenty of tacky souvenir shops. Quite the rich experience one hopes to have in a market place. I know where I will be doing my shopping from now on.


















Happy Inter dependence Day to all of you celebrating your freedom !!

Monday, June 30, 2008

In the midst of....

....integrating my week of study with Prof. Johan Gatlung, which happens to rank in the category of one of the most exhilarating and meaningful weeks of my life, Andrew and I got together for a couple of hours on Sunday. He had his 11 year son, Benjamin with him for the week-end, so the three of us met. We planned to meet at the Blaha Lujza ter at 2:30. Andrew was running a bit late, so Benjamin I got acquainted before he arrived. Benjamin speaks English so it was not too difficult, other than the normal awkwardness that comes with any first encounter. Our first thing to do together, was to stop at Mozarts Café for a dessert and to discuss the possibilities for the afternoon. Café ‘s are sprinkled throughout Budapest. They are a favorite place for Hungarians to gather. During the Russian regime they were discouraged, for fear that gatherings may lead to dissent, so many of them were closed or seating was replaced with stand-up tables only. The Hungarians have reclaimed their passion for these convenient places to sit, relax, enjoy one another’s company while indulging in one of their fabulous pastries, along with a great cup of espresso.
Given that we only had a couple of hours, since Benjamin needed to be on the Tram at 5:00, we were somewhat limited in our options. Benjamin wanted to see a movie, but there was not enough time. I suggested we visit Margaret Island, as I had not yet been there. I pass over the Island every day I am in town, but was saving my visit for when I had a good bit of time to fully explore it. Today seemed like a good day to at least get a taste of it. Plus, I imagined that it might be someplace that Benjamin would enjoy, as he had his roller board in tow. He settled and off we went.
(I know settling is not the best solution, but given our situation, it worked!).

Margaret (Margitsziget) Island is a beautiful little island in the middle of the Danube (Duna) River. It is a great place for people to gather together to enjoy nature, with large old shade trees, comfortable grassy areas for lounging , and pretty walkways lined with an array of blooming flowers. It is one of those public places where many different life forms converge, nurturing the soul of the City. A sacred space within the midst of a very large and bustling City, at that. There is a lot of activity on the Island, everything from jogging, walking, bicycling, peddle carts, tennis, sunbathing, football (soccer), playgrounds for the kids with swing sets, jungle bars, sandboxes, etc, roller boarding, thermal baths for soaking (much more on them later…they are quite a large part of the culture here) and plenty of opportunities to snack. Now that I have a better sense of the treasures that it holds, I will indeed go back, sooner than later. In fact, I have wanted to get in more exercise than just the walking that I do. Regular bicycle rides around the Island sounds like a great plan. I will check that out.





Here are pictures of some of the finer street art, done in the underpass on the way to the Island.


So, onto the Island we go. The Danube River is beautiful. Not as blue as it is referred to, but quite beautiful. After a walk across the bridge and onto the Island, it is not long before Benjamin spots a play ground to explore and then even better, a football game to join in. I am pleased that he is finding a way to get his needs for fun met, and welcome the opportunity to just hang out and get better acquainted with Andrew. Out of my curiosity and interest in connecting more to who he is and his life here in Budapest, I ask about Benjamin. Who by the way is quite a dear, delightful, precocious little guy who loves to read, has played the cello for 5 years and has a real eagerness for adventure. And most engaging of all, he has a real twinkle in his bright blue-eyes and seems to wear a smile quite naturally, even in the midst of disappointment. I enjoy his presence.

So with authentic interest, I ask about his life with Benjamin. My inquiry generates a willingness on Andrews part, to share with me his story. Later expressing some vulnerability, in that the depth of his sharing was unexpected. Not the “light-hearted Sunday afternoon in the park chat” he anticipated. And while I am able to appreciate those kinds of easy and playful connections, my inclination leans more towards deeper conversation. For better or worse, I am not at all surprised. Without going into a lot of detail, I will say that what I hear is difficult to take in. While I know that we all have our stories and that all stories are our own very personal interpretation of how things are/were, as a listener I found myself wanting to rewrite his story, as he is telling it. Rewriting it, because I do not enjoy the story he is telling. I have a hard time believing it. I am telling myself that surely it did not, could not have happened that way. It does not fit my idea(s) as to how life is. Not here in this wonderful new place I have just discovered.
Yes, I know about the oppressive Russian regime, and I have a very small inkling of an idea as to how horrific the German holocaust was, and that the Hungarians to some extent participated in that human atrocity. But to hear a story that indicates that the psychic underpinnings of that deep culture may still, in some form, exist is alarming. Briefly, Andrew, born in a Jewish family married a Hungarian woman. 21/2 years after Benjamin was born, he was told to leave his home, and that he was to have nothing to do with his child. As a father who dearly loved his boy, he refused to accept these demands, resulting in repeated acts of violence. Leading to multiple hospitalizations and repeated empty promises that “they would find out who did this and that justice would be served”. And while Andrew was quite sure who had assaulted him, never was he asked who it was, nor was anything ever done about it. Also, during that time, teaching positions that he held at the University were terminated. Court documents forged and any attempts he made for parental rights were denied. There evidently is a power structure based in the dark and not too distant past that remains in tact today.

As a tourist, this is more than I want to hear, especially from someone that I relate to.
And yet, what I appreciate about being here for 3 months, is that it is actually long enough to get a real sense of the place and the people that live here. So I say!


Fortunately, Benjamin returns, with a smile on his face, and surely it is time to move on.
As we gather our things and begin to walk back towards the Tram, I am relieved to be moving on. I let Andrew know that I am ready to go home and that perhaps we can get together later in the week. Maybe for a Pat Methany concert this Friday, July 4, when we can listen to music -that lifts the spirit, as we remember Independence day being celebrated in the States!
(No more conversations for a while..please).

So they go their way and I go mine. I get onto the tram, and then catch a bus that runs along the Danube River, on the Buda side, past the Parliament building. Getting on the bus or tram and just riding until in returns to my starting point is a favorite thing of mine to do. Effortless, mindless siteseeing. While enjoying seeing a new part of Budapest, I am tired and eventually find my way home. Into bed I flop, for a little early evening nap, before spending some time on my next blog entry about my journey to Austria, last week.

10 hours later I awaken, still heavy hearted. I imagine that if I am willing to stay present to the very uncomfortable feelings of yesterday, I will be able to re-connect with my self. That self that has so often refused to acknowledge the darker aspects of life. After all, I am a being of light, I crave the light. I have been blessed to manifest this love in the homes I have lived in, including here in Budapest. I am happiest in the light. And in reality, I live with a blindspot, a peripheral cut in my vision due to damage to my optic nerve from the brain abscess. The darkness is with me. I am imagining it has something to do with the development of a greater understanding of the nature of life.

Meanwhile, I am haunted by the metaphysical rap, that we create our reality, by where we place our attention. So, will I continue to chase the light, avoiding the ally ways, or be more willing to explore the dark places? I shall see.
While I have no illusions I am through with this material, perhaps now that I have honored and acknowledged it, I can return to the blog entry, in which I hope to be able to share the pure joy I felt as I experienced the most thrilling week, in the history of Abbey.

P.S.
Through sheer unyeilding passion and the death of Benjamins’ grandfather, some 5 years later, things have gotten easier for Andrew to be with his son. They are together every other week end and for a week in the summer. Their relationship is a very sweet and caring one. Andrew takes great pride in the fact that Benjamin knows very little of the trauma he has endured, in order to maintain their connection. From the love I feel between them, Benjamins' well-being is in tact, while Andrew continues to heal.





A few more photos:


Saturday night in Budapest, at Hero's Park, there was a free concert by Santana. There were thousands in attendance, with gigantic screens displayed in three different ares.



A woman after my own heart.

Lots of love to Sophie.